Yesterday I turned 44 years old. I woke up to find that my spouse had decorated: they’d taped to the kitchen window a duo of hearts cut from red origami paper and affixed to the front-hall wall a giant number 44. Ash is very good at celebrating birthdays. Then they left for the gym, and I made a cup of coffee and rinsed a bowl of cold blueberries, and then I decided to put on some music to mark the occasion, because I never put on music in the morning. I chose an album by Mary Lattimore, a contemporary harpist, because it reminds me of a friend I haven’t seen in a long time, a friend I think of as living well. So I sat down on the sofa with my black coffee and my prelude-to-breakfast blueberries and a novel, and a small crowd of finches assembled at the feeder outside, and Mary Lattimore played, pensive and autumnal, from a little Bluetooth speaker on the kitchen counter, and after about ten minutes of this, I thought,
I stumbled upon this as a recommendation from a newsletter I received. I read this piece as a sample before I fully committed to another email in my inbox. Your words resonated so deeply with me in a way I didn’t expect. Thank you. (Subscribed.)
Zero percent surprised that you’re a fellow Virgo. Happy birthday, thanks for sharing, and I can’t wait to hear what new things you make room for in your life these next few years too!
Happy birthday Molly!! The word left in my head at the end of the second read through this is “triumphant”. You are standing there, triumphant, at your newly minted age of 44, in a place of both self acceptance and anticipation for the future that many of us wish we could be too (certainly me), and a place that took you a lot of hard work to arrive at. I clicked the link for the crane wife and realized I had read that poignant story by CJ Hauser at some point. Yes, I have tried to be a version of that person too, although my husband is the polar opposite of the gaslighting fiancé and goes above and beyond to accept and support me despite my neuroses. I’ve never been a uncluttered person as far as material possessions (generations of hoarder tendencies in my family) but I’ve wanted to be the tomboyish woman who doesn’t care about clothes or makeup or fancy stuff and doesn’t take too much time to get ready. There’s some sort of weird collective machismo psyche built around self sacrifice, low maintenance, lack of emotional needs. Like we all want to be the lonely and mysterious heroine in an action film. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us this special day for you. I always look forward to your writing, it always hits home. Here’s to many many more rich and joyful years ahead!!
Molly, I cried when reading this because I am 33 and separating from my partner of 12 years and I just can’t imagine having a life with things I love in it again. But your words make me feel like someday I might. Happy 44th, I hope my life is as full as yours is by the time I get there.
At age 42, i saw my grandmother's face in mirror one morning. I was so tired & feeling old and of course, she disappeared. Am now 53... and beginning to appreciate she will be back.
Virgos really are the best people!
Beautiful, Molly. Thank you. And happy belated birthday.
beautiful. thank you.
I stumbled upon this as a recommendation from a newsletter I received. I read this piece as a sample before I fully committed to another email in my inbox. Your words resonated so deeply with me in a way I didn’t expect. Thank you. (Subscribed.)
Oh, Molly, you’re someone I think of as living well! I just loved this. Happy belated 44th birthday!
Zero percent surprised that you’re a fellow Virgo. Happy birthday, thanks for sharing, and I can’t wait to hear what new things you make room for in your life these next few years too!
There she is!!! Happy Birthday💥🫶
Happy birthday Molly! Thank your lovely words and stories you put into the world.
❤️
Happy birthday Molly!! The word left in my head at the end of the second read through this is “triumphant”. You are standing there, triumphant, at your newly minted age of 44, in a place of both self acceptance and anticipation for the future that many of us wish we could be too (certainly me), and a place that took you a lot of hard work to arrive at. I clicked the link for the crane wife and realized I had read that poignant story by CJ Hauser at some point. Yes, I have tried to be a version of that person too, although my husband is the polar opposite of the gaslighting fiancé and goes above and beyond to accept and support me despite my neuroses. I’ve never been a uncluttered person as far as material possessions (generations of hoarder tendencies in my family) but I’ve wanted to be the tomboyish woman who doesn’t care about clothes or makeup or fancy stuff and doesn’t take too much time to get ready. There’s some sort of weird collective machismo psyche built around self sacrifice, low maintenance, lack of emotional needs. Like we all want to be the lonely and mysterious heroine in an action film. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us this special day for you. I always look forward to your writing, it always hits home. Here’s to many many more rich and joyful years ahead!!
No one writes like you do. This is exquisite. All the best on your 44th.
This is so wonderful - happy happy birthday!!
Molly, I cried when reading this because I am 33 and separating from my partner of 12 years and I just can’t imagine having a life with things I love in it again. But your words make me feel like someday I might. Happy 44th, I hope my life is as full as yours is by the time I get there.
Happy Birthday!
And thank you for putting this oddness in words!
At age 42, i saw my grandmother's face in mirror one morning. I was so tired & feeling old and of course, she disappeared. Am now 53... and beginning to appreciate she will be back.
happy, happy birthday. As I prepare to turn 50 in a few days so much of what you wrote resonated with my soul and who I am becoming. Blessed be.
Beautiful musings. Happy Birthday, fellow introvert and stranger who feels like a friend.