In summary

Or, 2023 in 18 paragraphs, no special reason

We entered 2023 at a standstill, waiting for the baby. If there is one thing I hate, one thing I have no tolerance for, it is feeling stuck. On January 1, 2023, I felt stuck. I dreaded the baby’s arrival because it meant life was going to change, but I simultaneously hoped it would hurry and happen, so I could start living in the after of it. On January 19, he finally arrived, and he was Ames! I should say that he didn’t arrive alone: Ash brought him to us. They labored through two nights, one epidural that didn’t work, and a second epidural that did.¹ It was a triumph, their triumph.

Brandon and June arrived with donuts and balloons an hour after we got home. Ash sobbed. June held the baby to her face and suddenly grew up, like one of those time-lapse videos of a seed sprouting that you always see in nature documentaries. Ames was beautiful and agreeable and easy and impossible. We all cried many times over many days, weeks, months. God, was there crying. Ames might have cried the least. Ash and I both had postpartum depression. Many nights, my mother came over at 9pm and stayed until 3 in the morning, listening for the baby so we could sleep. Lesley and Sarah spent nights when we couldn’t figure out how to last another day.