My daughter is a year younger than June and wow, we are going through all of this too. I also unloaded on her teacher this past spring lol! It’s so hard. I too, hope we’ll one day look back on these times and smile.
Thank you for your honesty. So much resonance here, even as a childless cat lady. I can relate to the mid-40's process of taking inventory of those early influential relational experiences that remain part of us just below the surface at times, and also being a person who will never not care. I think a lot about the experience of capacity. So much to soak in here, and looking forward to the next one. Best - C
Sweet June, I feel this like it was yesterday. Growing up is such a THING. Can’t imagine parenting through it. Loved this piece so much. We’re all kinda always still middle schoolers at heart. ❤️
Hi Molly, Thank you for sharing. Felt this one deep. This line especially, "I could feel the shadow of those girls on me well into my thirties." Middle school is rough and girl dynamics are difficult...gulp. We've been weathering this in our house too with my soon-to-be eighth grader. Sending love to your entire crew.
As an awkward teen (too tall, braces, early eyeglasses, lots of opinions) who grew into an awkward HS teacher - finally realized the power in embracing the weird. We keep our eye out for the misfits and make sure they have a comfortable & unique place to belong. Thanks for the poignant reminder about my role in their lives. Also 💕 to June & all the girls who don't quite fit. They don't have to!!
The biggest thing I think parents can teach their kids is not just being nice, but being inclusive. There’s a huge difference.
This post also reminds me of Michelle Obama talking about her mother saying, “Don’t worry whether anybody likes you. Come home. We’ll always like you here.”
Love this. My two daughters are now young adults and living through teenhood with them was so much processing. And yes, they’ve made it to young adulthood and don’t have the same comparison brain that I have—whew
The sting of bullying and exclusion lives in its own category, and can be put in its place, especially if she has other friends she loves and who love her back. But as a kid who struggled with much of the same stuff, I can say that what makes it stick to your psyche and makes it so hard to overcome as a grownup, is having parents who unintentionally bully you as well, specifically for your weight. The fact that you are on her side so conspicuously is huge, and it makes my 11-year old self want to hug you. Keep doing what you're doing. You can't control other kids' cruelty but you are teaching June that she's ok just how she is and that is what will stick with her.
I, too, pay close attention to the social dynamics at play between my almost 11 yo daughter and her friends and am shocked when other parents (ahem moms) do not. My cousin, who has 2 daughters now in their late 20s, once told me it’s as if girls realize from a young age there’s a smaller piece of the pie for them (patriarchal capitalism as you might say). Damn it’s hard to watch and bear witness to though. Sending big hugs to you and June. You sound like an incredible mama ❤️
Your daughter is wonderfully unique, so so funny, and whip smart. That won't make her immune to bullying, but it does make her a wonderful person for those lucky to know her. And she's fortunate to have a mom who sticks up for her and has the humility to read/learn to be a better parent. And, on a personal note, touched by what you wrote about my sis and her oh-so-giving and beautiful family. On the plus side, we get the bonus of an island retreat.
Thinking of June and sending her much love and strength. I know she will find (more of) her people as time goes on too. Those years in particular that she’s in the midst of were brutal in my little world—for everyone, I think, looking back. Wish it didn’t have to be like that for any kid. Thanks for your writing as always Molly and hope your whole beautiful family has a happy August.
Being a teenage girl can be a unique kind of torture but June is lucky to have you - to have someone who tells them that they are uniquely perfect and beautiful just as they are. Don’t ever underestimate the power of that.
Really appreciated reading this, friend. Miss you lots
My daughter is a year younger than June and wow, we are going through all of this too. I also unloaded on her teacher this past spring lol! It’s so hard. I too, hope we’ll one day look back on these times and smile.
Thank you for your honesty. So much resonance here, even as a childless cat lady. I can relate to the mid-40's process of taking inventory of those early influential relational experiences that remain part of us just below the surface at times, and also being a person who will never not care. I think a lot about the experience of capacity. So much to soak in here, and looking forward to the next one. Best - C
Sweet June, I feel this like it was yesterday. Growing up is such a THING. Can’t imagine parenting through it. Loved this piece so much. We’re all kinda always still middle schoolers at heart. ❤️
I just finished reading, "Friendaholic" by Elizabeth Day - I think you might like it Molly, xo
Hi Molly, Thank you for sharing. Felt this one deep. This line especially, "I could feel the shadow of those girls on me well into my thirties." Middle school is rough and girl dynamics are difficult...gulp. We've been weathering this in our house too with my soon-to-be eighth grader. Sending love to your entire crew.
oof, middle school! what a time. hoping for as smooth a passage as possible for you and june both!!
As an awkward teen (too tall, braces, early eyeglasses, lots of opinions) who grew into an awkward HS teacher - finally realized the power in embracing the weird. We keep our eye out for the misfits and make sure they have a comfortable & unique place to belong. Thanks for the poignant reminder about my role in their lives. Also 💕 to June & all the girls who don't quite fit. They don't have to!!
The biggest thing I think parents can teach their kids is not just being nice, but being inclusive. There’s a huge difference.
This post also reminds me of Michelle Obama talking about her mother saying, “Don’t worry whether anybody likes you. Come home. We’ll always like you here.”
Yes!!! I use the words inclusive and include so often with my kids. Over and over and over ❤️❤️
Also…sending support to you and thank you for writing about the hard times.
Love this. My two daughters are now young adults and living through teenhood with them was so much processing. And yes, they’ve made it to young adulthood and don’t have the same comparison brain that I have—whew
The sting of bullying and exclusion lives in its own category, and can be put in its place, especially if she has other friends she loves and who love her back. But as a kid who struggled with much of the same stuff, I can say that what makes it stick to your psyche and makes it so hard to overcome as a grownup, is having parents who unintentionally bully you as well, specifically for your weight. The fact that you are on her side so conspicuously is huge, and it makes my 11-year old self want to hug you. Keep doing what you're doing. You can't control other kids' cruelty but you are teaching June that she's ok just how she is and that is what will stick with her.
I, too, pay close attention to the social dynamics at play between my almost 11 yo daughter and her friends and am shocked when other parents (ahem moms) do not. My cousin, who has 2 daughters now in their late 20s, once told me it’s as if girls realize from a young age there’s a smaller piece of the pie for them (patriarchal capitalism as you might say). Damn it’s hard to watch and bear witness to though. Sending big hugs to you and June. You sound like an incredible mama ❤️
Your daughter is wonderfully unique, so so funny, and whip smart. That won't make her immune to bullying, but it does make her a wonderful person for those lucky to know her. And she's fortunate to have a mom who sticks up for her and has the humility to read/learn to be a better parent. And, on a personal note, touched by what you wrote about my sis and her oh-so-giving and beautiful family. On the plus side, we get the bonus of an island retreat.
Thinking of June and sending her much love and strength. I know she will find (more of) her people as time goes on too. Those years in particular that she’s in the midst of were brutal in my little world—for everyone, I think, looking back. Wish it didn’t have to be like that for any kid. Thanks for your writing as always Molly and hope your whole beautiful family has a happy August.
Being a teenage girl can be a unique kind of torture but June is lucky to have you - to have someone who tells them that they are uniquely perfect and beautiful just as they are. Don’t ever underestimate the power of that.