Bits and bobs
e.g. "hold your anger out at arm's length and look at it, as if it were a glass ball"
This week’s installment is a little of everything, just because. Next up: the third and final installment of a small series of essays on making a baby as a queer couple. Stay tuned for that. For now, what follows is a bunch of bits and bobs I’ve been saving up to share with you — nothing too long or involved, hopefully nothing that will cause you to leave this tab open for a half-dozen months or more, waiting for the time to properly savor it, the way I do with link-heavy newsletter posts. I love link-heavy posts, don’t misunderstand; I just also have eighteen billion tabs open. Anyway, happy Wednesday, happy first week of August.
To read
George Saunders on how reading (and writing) teaches (and requires) empathy. Sounds obvious, maybe, but this is George Saunders! For example: “Truth, in the case of the barber story, meant acknowledging that the barber and I existed on a continuum. He was knowable to me. Or, more accurately . . . “he” (the character) must have existed within me. I generated him, brought him forward, made him up, out of … me. Even his sexist excesses came out of me. I knew they were excesses, he didn’t; I exaggerated them like crazy, but he had never been an entity apart from me. I had pretended so, at my peril.”
“Ash Ode,” by Dean Young. (No relation to “my” Ash.)
Marian Bull on tea. I gave up coffee for a couple of weeks in the early summer, trying to sort out a digestive issue. (I’m now back on coffee and fine!) One morning, as I halfheartedly brewed a mug of PG Tips, I remembered that my friend Marian, who is also one of my favorite contemporary writers on food, had recently switched from coffee to tea — and had written a characteristically smart newsletter on the topic. I bought and have loved two of the teas she recommended: Himalayan Golden Black Tea (the 2.6-ounce tin for $16) and Avongrove Estate Darjeeling (2 ounces for $7.95). Small luxuries indeed.
Novelist Edan Lepucki’s lists: 50 thoughts on parenting, and 50 thoughts on writing. Also, Edan’s latest book, Time’s Mouth, came out THIS WEEK! (Affiliate book link.)
Australian novelist Helen Garner on “small, random stabs of extreme interestingness” — which I think I found from The Ann Friedman Weekly? Includes such gems as, “My granddaughter getting a mullet and a job making cocktails and a gig singing jazz in a bar.” (Access might require registration, depending on how many Guardian articles you’ve read lately.)
To listen
“Spiritual Minimalism, Purpose, and Living a More Fulfilling Life, with Light Watkins,” an episode of the Rich Roll Podcast. This was recommended by my friend Ben, with whom I AM STILL JOURNALING EVERY DAY! I want to say right away that I am allergic to wellness gurus, and I definitely hate the nutrition-related ads in this podcast. But I listened to the entirety of this 2-hour-and-25-minute episode over two long dog-walks this weekend, and I’m very glad I did.
To eat
Jammy Coffee Cake from More Than Cake, by Natasha Pickowicz. Straight up, one of the best things I’ve ever baked. (Affiliate book link.) Recipe here, but don’t miss the book as a whole.
Whatever, for fun
Last night, in my Tuesday writing group, we did an exercise based on idea I got from Suleika Jaouad. First I read aloud the poem “How to Be Perfect,” by Ron Padgett. Here’s an excerpt:
Then I asked the writers to make their own list of guidelines for “how to be perfect.”1 They wrote for ten minutes, and then they read their pieces aloud, during which time I grinned my face off. Their lists were so them, so particular and specific, but also universal, also… useful. Unfortunately, they then asked me to read my list, and that’s when I had to admit that I hadn’t yet done the exercise myself. (I almost never do prompts in real time when I’m teaching; you can’t walk and chew gum, etc. etc. etc.) But this morning I sat down with pen and paper and made it right. Here’s my own “How to Be Perfect,” after Ron Padgett:
If you try it, I’d love to see your lists in the comments.
M.
Thursday’s group: yes, this is tomorrow’s generative exercise. Sorry to spoil the surprise.
ahhhh!!!! thank you for an impromptu writing prompt that I could write on my phone, holding the napping babe, sad to not do IRL tomorrow, happy to have had the chance anyway. 🧡
say their name if you remember it. “it’s alex, right?” watch them smile.
only read the parenting things that make you feel free.
use libby liberally.
take the stairs whenever possible. always stick to the right.
wave and mouth thank you when the people with the leaf-blowers stop their leaf-blowing so you can walk past.
look grief square in the face, cupping your hands at its neck, holding it tenderly, holding it loosely, holding it.
keep lists of any and all kinds, paper, phone, napkins—pleasure, tasks, needs.
put two glasses in the freezer so later you can split a cold beer.
grill on sundays.
buy more fruit than vegetables at the farmer’s market.
remember that empathy is being with, not fixing. remember this applies to you, too.
text the people you love “checkin’ in” and leave it open, like a screen door on a cooling summer night.
don’t conflate loving him with always loving the role. you won’t always love the role. you will always love him.
kiss those cheeks. kiss. those. cheeks.
So. I happened to be at home when this came into my inbox, and I had all of the ingredients, and I recently made another of Natasha's recipes recently so I know she's amazing, and I trust you implicitly when it comes to food because I think we have the same taste, so I made this coffee cake immediately, except with blueberries, and I can confirm, it is fucking amazing.